sacrifice, selfishness, sightlessness

This week the denomination of the church I attend made some major decisions concerning a debt and the properties that are owned by the denomination.  Slowly information is being leaked out through various means, but the scope of what is involved has not fully surfaced.  There will be congregations that will have buildings sold, buildings they worship in, buildings their families helped build, buildings they got married in or baptized their children in...buildings.

I also know of some land that is being sold, mainly because my little garden plot with my wee little cabbages is on the auction block.  Not my specific plot--I am not sure who would want the weeds and all that cabbage, but the entire garden and adjoining tennis courts.  This is used for a "community" space.  I use community in quotations because of an incident shortly after I became a member of the garden.  A homeless man had been let into the garden by someone who left the gate open when they went to play tennis, he was later evicted from the garden and we all got a swift email about problem people in the garden.  Not a very nice welcome, especially since that man was the nicest person I met at the garden and I carried on a long conversation with him that afternoon about brussels sprouts and the value of bricks in the garden for adding warmth to the still cool winter soil.  He is like the people I work with everyday, the people that are family to me, many of them recovering addicts or those with severe mental illness, they have a way about them that can be very distinctive, this fellow had whatever "that" is.  My heart broke.

I also have been seeing a lot of people posting "fugitive of the week" type statuses on their social media accounts.  Seemingly trying to protect their friends and family from whatever murder, child abductor, sexual predator or whatever is on the loose again.  It's usually accompanied by some rant about "lets keep these monsters locked up" or "I can't believe they would let people like him/her out on the streets"  I have a couple of problems with this.  1.  If we were honest with each other, we are all monsters, and "people like them" are oddly the same as "people like us".  2.  Security/safety is an illusion.  3.  I would love to see the statistics of people that these things have helped compared to the people it has hurt.  Especially in instances of "alleged" crimes that later turn out to be false, yet when this stories makes the rounds on the internet again next year, they might lose their job, or be threatened physically or had the cops called on them for no reason.  In cases where someone did actually commit a crime, know the context and the charges.  It's so much easier to just hit send/share rather that digging to find out the real story.  You can't trust media.

And maybe about now you are wondering how all these things relate, besides just being thoughts running through my brain.  So let me cut to the chase.  THERE IS NO "US" and "THEM". 
What I mean is that the churches debt is our debt, the sale of the buildings affects us all, its sad, its discouraging, its disheartening.  It is taking away what makes us feel safe.  We can point fingers and blame other people and we can make ourselves feel righteous because obviously we do church better if they don't take away our building.  We can take pride in the structure we have built and wipe the sweat from our stressed brow because "phew, we made it through this cut. "  We can rationalize and hypothesize until we are blue in the face about the reasons some were chosen and others weren't.  It is not helpful.

The garden gets me too.  I am still miffed about the "community" space.  I was really hoping it was going to be something great, where people were welcomed, and I can honestly say I don't know the whole story, but I also don't like locks on gates and threats of calling the cops because someone is in the garden.  Someone who was not like "us."  I don't know who they are basing their "us" and "them" theory on, but this guy was a lot like me.

I am also a wee bit over the drama that ensued on my email today about ideas to "Save the Garden."  It is my understanding that the property belonged to the church and we aren't paying rent for the land use.  So technically the church can do what it likes, and I hate that something that proclaims the name of Christ can be used to exclude people.  It just doesn't make sense in my book.  If the garden is so important for community then why not have someone donate the use of their yard for the purpose they find so noble?  I would give my yard, and I can say that because I don't actually have a yard, so I don't actually feel the sacrifice of such things.

As far as the offender thing, instead of treating the symptoms, treat the cause.  Are they a sexual predator? Maybe we need to have good long talks about internet pornography, sexting, modesty, proper sexual conduct.  If you are worried about what kind of "monsters" they are letting out, maybe you should start doing some prison ministry so that the grace of God can reach and change people.  If you are concerned over the safety of your children--statistically if something is going to happen to your child, it is going to be by someone they know, you need to get to know the people they know, have real honest conversation about things that are going on, conversations that probably won't happen when you have already passed public judgement on someone who is struggling with a similar issue.  Your kid is more likely to be hurt by your church friend who struggles with pornography than some stranger who happens upon your child.  Statistically a child is more likely to be abducted by a family member than a stranger, unless you are living in a country that is heavy into human sex trafficking, in which case to protect our children and those around the world we should be seeking to stop these things from happening.

There are many many many many many people that have committed these crimes and have experienced the transforming grace of Jesus, they are trying to get on with their lives, to find work to support their families--it may come as news to some, but they have families and are a part of a family.  They just messed up in a different way than you, don't think for a minute they ever have a chance to forget that. 

Often times when these things make the rounds over and over again, after they have served their time, after they have fulfilled all the law demanded of them.  Their very lives are threatened, they have to uproot their families out of fear. 
Maybe you don't have a lot of sympathy for them, maybe you would say, as I once would have--"it's their fault, they brought that on themselves, if they hadn't done what they did, they wouldn't be in this place"  That's a very self righteous attitude to have. 

I mean, isn't that the whole deal anyway, when we get caught up in sin, we are rarely thinking about the long term affects.  If we had been in their shoes would we have chosen any different?  That question always leaves me all goose pimply, because I realize given the same things and knowing the depravity that still lives within my own heart, I could have done equal to or worse than them.  By some grace we were just given a different hand of cards.  We still mess us we just happen to do something that isn't judicially recognized as being wrong, other than speeding in our cars and rolling through that stop sign, or else we don't get caught. 

Pressing the share button is so much easier than loving our enemies or even loving our neighbours.  It has an air of self righteousness and it makes us feel safe.  It helps us sleep at night knowing we are not that kind of "sicko."  But it does little to address the problem at hand.  Does it make me feel better knowing that it happened to someone else and not to me?  When I examine my heart, that's the darkness I see.  I am willing to make changes to my world, to give up my time, energy, and finances to see others truly in need?

Am I willing to sacrifice my ideals of buildings and what church should be like, for real life changing faith? Am I willing to sacrifice my boundaries and personal space to be in real community with real people that will be messy?  Am I willing to sacrifice my false ideas about who I am, to be who God wants me to be?  Am I willing to sacrifice my ideas of justice and righteousness in favour of a system that gives grace and mercy? 

I understand the disappointment, disillusionment, discouragement when everything we have worked towards and hoped for has turned out contrary to our vision, we feel like we got the raw end of the deal, and things are being taken from us. But maybe, perhaps it's an opportunity like one we have never seen before, that will bring us what we have always needed in a way we couldn't have gotten to otherwise.