Who we become

Tonight was an interesting experience. I had over Emily and her son Matthew (who is a friend of mine)(Emily I thought you might enjoy it better if I identified you as Emily rather than Matthews mom !)
Having people over is a lot of fun. I think it was good for my parents too. It was so last minute Mom didn't have time to put her guard up. An interesting Phenomenon happened tonight. My parents became people again, and not merely the monsters I live with.
They really are good people, I mean I turned out alright--I think. Sometimes I get in this rut because of the lack of space and forget that they are real people too.
Still doesn't change my mind about moving out soon, but at least now I might let them know where I am moving to.
Matthew was quiet tonight, as was I. Sometimes its nice just to listen. I am so glad they came over. I was a tad worried that maybe we'd all be sitting around the table staring at each other, but thanks to Emily who has a way with people and was able to keep things rolling.
This is probably one of my more straight forward blogs, usually there is meaning beyond the surface, sometimes things are as they are. I was glad to have good friends to make my Tuesday something to look forward to.
Right now though, I should be sleeping, I have to be up in less than 5 hours for work. But I was officially diagnosed with Insomnia today by my beautiful friend Rebecca. She is so intelligent she's always looking something up and has factoids to tell me all the time. I think whatever she chooses to do with her life, she will be great at it.
I've been thinking about what I want to be when and if I grow up. I'd like to be a great many things. I just don't know where to start. I think if I could be a barista for the rest of my life-I wouldn't mind that. I like it. But I want to be a wife and a mother, I think I can use my weird creative gifts that way. I wanna sing and take pictures, but not depend on either to make a living. Then it becomes uncreative and monotonous. I want to be able to be there for my husband and kids, problem with this is--I'm not married and I have no kids, so it kinda makes me sad. I guess I will have to go on being a barista.
I was a little upset when a good friend mentioned that my job wasn't really the best job to get me on my feet, I dunno how he put it, but it really did upset me. Kinda made me feel worthless. I work hard at what I do, and I love what I do, and it pays a heck of a lot better than my last job which I worked equally as hard at. I dunno what kinda crack he's smoking to think that just because I am smart and beautiful and funny and creative I am gonna get a job that pays me for what I am worth. Life doesn't always work out the way we plan, and this is better than planned because I never planned anything.
I always thought I'd be this strong independent person, who takes on the whole world and takes care of herself. But the older I get the more I realize that I just wanna take care of somebody else.

I am too fragile to be a practice girlfriend.

the last time

I gotta get outta here.....Soon. So mom comes in to talk to me, which I am starting to believe she doesn't really wanna talk to me anyway. She comes in and reads whatever page I have loaded up on my computer, she looks at the pictures I printed out from the adventures of mini kev and mini shane the other day, she looks at them disapprovingly, calls me silly makes me feel like an idiot. That's why I don't talk to her she just thinks I am stupid. She finally noticed the silly string on the wall--mid conversation, so she stopped mid-sentence to scold me for it. Which I dunno why she cares, I will get it off, and it's everywhere and I really don't need her scolding or disapproval. I don't start talking to her then go--Oh gross, why is there all that dust on the table. I guess that teaches me not to clean up, it doesn't matter how good I clean she will always find something. I worked all day yesterday cleaning the house just to make her happy, she said thank you last night, I'm surprised she didn't say thank you but can you do....At least if its dirty it distracts her with what's "really" wrong. I feel like a perpetual teenager. I'm stuck in some sick time warp, permateenager, sad part is, I'm not a teenager and haven't been one for awhile and I am still living at home.

Music news

Hey boys and girls,
Lots of new stuff in the music world. Bands have been working all winter on new cool stuff that is gonna rock the world this summer. TFK comes out with a new album on May 10--maybe? rumor has it that it will be pushed back til june or july but it will be good I'm sure. They get better and better with each disc. More recently Bleach released their final album, you can buy it now, it is one of the most rockingest ones ever. But if you have followed my blog or my website at all, you'd already know that. March 29, is the official release date of superchic[k]'s new album "Beauty From Pain."
There's some good stuff out there you can listen to these bands and more at Pure volume or My Space
If you notice as well I have a new sidebar element--Band of the Week, stop by this week and check out Hawk Nelson, you can hear all their songs on their site Drop by give it a listen.
Someday soon I am gonna get started on some more songs for my demo, I will let you guys know how that's going. Despite the fact that American Idol makes me feel like a loser everytime I sing, A good concert has a way of renewing the dream, and Bleach was Awesome--like rock my socks off awesome, relient k was good as always but nobody rocks quite like Bleach.

We got back from the concert and "kev" and "shane" were still in town, even though they had to get up at 5:00am, they came to work with me. They were glad they didnt have to work and camped out in my bag, i snuck them some food and coffee when i got the chance... 

"kev" sure does eat all the food, he wanted a spot right by the cheese danish, he likes cheese... 

"shane" posed by the cinnamon chip scones, he thought cinnamon chip scone sounded like a pirate kinda name... 

 

the boys liked playing in the coffee mugs too... 

the boys decided to help molly make some drinks... 

molly was very thankful.... 

 

All the girls at work, had fun with the boys today.... 

a little hide and seek in the syrup pumps.... 

I left home about 10am eastern time. It was a good day for a drive warm sunny weather..i was humming "sunny with a high of 75..." It was about like that. I had lots of time to think once my good radio stations left me. The boys were pretty quiet, they stayed in the bag, after all they arent used to being out during the day. But they were very excited about lunch. Somehow food always makes the boys come out...We made it to hickory, NC where we ate at Bojangles, you can see just how big the BIG BO is--almost as tall as kevin and shane. Silly boys they drank all my dr.pepper..... 

Here is shane and kevin happily riding in trogdor. Trogdor was very happy this trip musta been all that work i put into him last week, he even used less gas than usual for me.... 

we made a "gas" stop, actually the boys couldnt hold it anymore. since they drank the BIG BO. I told em to pee in a starbucks cup of their choice from off the floor. But they wouldnt because a girl was present. I was kinda relieved( no pun intended) So we didn't really need need gas but we made it a productive stop anyway about 60 miles outside of tennesee.... 

Who woulda known that tennessee was such a great state? Not only does it have the music capital but its got a ripleys musem, white water rafting, dollywood.... 

Another great thing about Tenessee is that fireworks are legal. We made this pit stop just for kevin since i told him no the 6 times we saw a "Fireworks exit NOW!" sign. His eyes got real big but then i told him to save his money for merch at the show because he couldnt send real kevin fireworks in the mail. so we got supper here too; a bag of peanut butter m&ms cookies and pop, about an hour outside of nashville.... 

We finally got to nashville, at 5:20 central time, rumor was the doors were to open at 6, but rumor it was they didnt open till 6:30 so in the meantime we had some fun with chalk drawings, that 2am walmart run the night before proved very useful, i was able to pass out loads of sidewalk chalk to the restless concert goers, i had a video of all the cool chalk art they did, but 1. it wasnt that cool and 2. i erased it so i could record videos at the concert..... 

 

the concert was like makeout fest. i was feeling a little out of place and alone. I went and got something to drink from this guy who autographed a poster for kevin and shane from some band he had no idea who they were..shhhh dont tell kevin and shane..... 

the first few bands werent having their best night, i was starting to get depressed, i went and got some coffee upstairs since i had already hit the merch table 3 or 4 times and gotten my fill and expended all my cash on tshirts, luckily Rk took credit. So i did a little "swipe and forget" action and got 2 tshirts and a hoodie. But i came back down for john reuben, i thought there was potential, but just like collective soul's new cd, it never reached the expectation. Shane liked it pretty good though. If i were to compare talent and stage presence to KJ-52--Kj has him beat by far..... 

finally a band worth seeing...again for the first time..BLEACH...farewell old friends.... 

Relient K was awesome as well...although the event was rather dark because the bands were remembering their good friend who was lost at sea, and this was a benefit show to be able to complete his documentary...the boys still rocked it out... 

me kev and shane stayed after the show and managed to catch davie baysinger from Bleach... I wasnt in a hury to leave.... 

When i had gone for coffee somewhere between Evan Anthem, and John Reuben, i was mentioning to a girl at the coffee bar that i needed all 3 shots of espresso to make it back home, coincidentially she invited a total stranger(me0 to sleep on her couch, when the show was over i was really tired, so i took her up on her offer and while waiting to follow her to her house i ran into davie....so anyway i left nashville and i had another video of some stuff from the trip back but i deleted it because it took up the rest of my memory card. But as far as last thoughts go....NC has these funky numbers in the western part of the state that count up and then down 1..2...3...9..0...9..8..7......1, it was very random on the side of the road. Also i think it will be a looong loooong time (maybe ever) before i care to hear "mr. mom", "I'm gonna love you tonight", anything by ryan cabrerra or maroon 5, or that song by mario whatever it is, i believe those were the only songs the radio played the whole 8 hours there and 8 hours back. When i got to nashville i did catch skillet on the radio which was very cool. The mountains look weird this time of year cuz there are no leaves on the trees, spots were there arent any trees look like a poor dog with a terminal case of fleas where hes scratched away all the fur in spots.--its really sick looking. tunnels are cool...and going to concerts with only cardboard friends is not as lame as going by yourself, oh and shane sorry man your head almost got ripped off--its kinda scary. 

Nosiness

Dad wants to know my web address. I don't think I will tell him. Sometimes I just need things that are my own. I'm really tired of everything being their business. I just want to disappear. Maybe I will.....

I refuse

I refuse to be someone's entertainment. I am not the cure for boredom. If you don't want to talk to me don't start a conversation. I can't keep coming up with stuff off the top of my head, especially when you make me feel like you could care less anyway. I'm not into people that think everyone but them is an idiot. Guess you forgot what it was like to not know something.

News of the recent...

2 more sleeps (yeah right like ill be able to sleep, I'm so excited) til the bleach concert. If it was just bleach that would be awesome but its Relient K too, and some other gooders. I know I should stop talking about it, but maybe one day. One day when I am so old I forgot I ever even went to see bleach. Tomorrow I have to make a run to the store to get some posterboard for my concert signs. Tonight I made a cardboard cut-out of Kevin since "he's" coming with me. I even printed a Bleach T-shirt from the merch page, that I have paperdoll rigged to fit him. It's quite interesting but I didn't want him to feel outta place at the show.
on a personal note, I am closer to moving out than ever, not physically but mentally. If it doesn't happen soon, I think I am going to lose it. I don't know if I am supposed to act like an adult or a teenager. Either way I am in trouble. I kinda don't want them to be a part of my decision, I don't even want them knowing where I live or my phone number or anything. Just for a while I'd like to disappear again. Maybe I should go back to Canada...hmmm? I haven't blogged in a while, been working on my site. So pop on in and write my lonely guest book--I mean you don't have to, it's not an order or anything but I like to hear from people, even if I don't know them.

Bubbles

SO I was putting together a package of totally random things to send to Earlene. I was just using stuff I could find around the house, I wont go into detail so as not to spoil the surprise for her. But one of the items were bubbles.
Bubbles are great, it's one of those never-get-too-old-to-play-with things. Although some people would disagree. I think bubbles are an awesome and relaxing way to spend a sunny afternoon. Without even thinking you are taking deeper breaths which bring more oxygen to your blood, and we are letting out much of the stale air that's been sitting around in our lazy lungs. So this helps you feel better physically. Emotionally I think it takes us back to a time when we were younger and all we had to worry about was whether the dog would get sick if he ate too many bubbles.
However, I think I have come up with a way. To make bubbles into a scientific endeavor. Let's make something simple and relaxing into something complex and frustrating!
My plan is to spend a whole afternoon blowing bubbles and counting how many I can get from one bottle of bubbles and documenting this with my digital camera, maybe do a sampling of bubble size, which would require some clean paper and some colouring added to the bubbles. Sounds like a big fun mess. Check back often to see if I have had time to do my experiment. Maybe this weekend if its nice, since I have Saturday and Sunday off.

Today is the day

Hey boys and girls!, DO you know what today is?
Its the day bleach comes out with their new CD!!!! YAY! Pick up your copy at your friendly neighborhood music store, unless they don't have it, then you can get it here!
Bad news on the Bleach Concert on March 13, I may not be able to afford the road trip to Nashville, it makes me sad. But the ticket mocks me as it hangs on my wall. See I have to have new brakes put on my car and that's gonna be real expensive.sigh.