restless

I have been real restless lately. I think its the spring air and my overactive imagination. Its making me physically sick. I've been sick for two weeks sick to my stomach and now the headaches have begun. I know its stress, but I'm not certain over what exactly, the nausea and lack of appetite could be from stress or it could be from the fact that summer is coming and I am in no shape for swimsuit weather. Could be that I am sick of being here. 6 months in one place--its killing me. My job is the same--I guess. This week I feel a little used, like I am selling myself for money. If people like me they will buy coffee. After all that's what its all about, I feel used. Apartment hunting is so hard, so many factors, so many decisions and I am not a decision maker, I never claimed to be. And restless, last night I almost made it to the ocean, I didn't have enough gas, so I went to the airport to think--late at night of course. I woulda stayed at the observation deck longer but there were creepy people there. Maybe I am a creepy person. Beginning to think so. I cant decide if I am too old to run away or to young not to. Maybe I should flip a coin, makes me think of the song "heads Carolina, tails California" I think I should get a coin with tails on both sides. I am feeling the need to do something impetuous and young and stupid. Not dangerous, not regrettable. I am feeling sufficiently smothered creatively and professionally. I'm just restless, its spring I should know its coming, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way.