The ride of my life

I get restless in my job and at my home especially in the summer. So I drive. Not to any particular destination but just to drive. Not having air conditioning makes driving in the cool of the evening the best option. But there is a magical transformation that takes place in my car when I drive.
I can go from being lonely and sad, or stressed and depressed to feeling alive and independant and strong. Its like in a small way I am deciding something in my life, something of little consequence like which direction I will take a particular road, but it makes me feel like I am doing something important.
I guess all around me there are just too many options and I am afraid where one direction will take me, or maybe I just don't know where I am going to end up. Many of my decisions are made for me based on my environment and circumstances. But when I get in my car to drive I go on the roads and realize that it doesn't matter if I don't know where I am going, it doesn't matter if I am lost because I am not trying to get anywhere, I am just enjoying the ride.

a little river in egypt-part 1

The air has finally cooled from the day.
As we look upon the stars,
I contemplate how alone we really are.
I see how I am lost and insignificant.
But feel significance lying next to me,
in the bed of that old truck.
the metal cool to the touch, sends a chill, and I move closer.
I lean over to whisper the magic to you.
You stop me with a look, before I can speak.
I'm waiting in anticipation to see if the thought on your lips
were the same ones I wanted to share with you
the words come out--
"Man, I'm hungry"

A little river in Egypt-Part 2

There is a time at the beginning of the day when I am almost awake but not quite. I wander between consciousness and unconsciousness. I find this is the time when I allow my self to think thoughts that otherwise I would keep in check.
Like something that is whispered but I wouldn't said out loud. A Pandora's box of sorts, afraid of the power of the secret thoughts and emotions that rush out like a shaken up can of coke. Thoughts my waking body tries to keep a lid on. Put into words they become credible, when spoken they become truth or lies. But in the disorientation of a waking mind, truth and lies are blurred and I'm not sure which category my thoughts fall into. Its better if I don't speak them, I am afraid it will make them true--or false. And sometimes neither option is what I really want. Such are these waking thoughts, neither good or bad, but they cannot be uttered, even acknowledging them is dangerous. Its a secret that I want desperately to tell, but no-one to find out.
the thoughts play over and over until my mind is aware and I can force myself to think of something else, although often I don't feel I really can.
Then I quietly remember that nobody else can hear my thoughts, I take a deep breath, and slowly exhale and now I am awake and the thoughts are far away, and maybe its better that way. I'm not sure that they don't make me a monster.

makes me wish i was in a place of no haze no lights and no trees

Hey all CHECK THIS OUT

Vote for Summer

I think as I get older time goes by faster. It seems to go slower if you are waiting for something BIG. There is something to be said for the anticipation of an event.
When I was a kid, all year we longed for summertime, and it took forever to get there. Once it got there it passed quickly, but the rest of the year seemed like forever.
Now summer has no meaning for me, its just another season, there is no extended holiday, no carefree kickball games. Its the same old day in day out-go to work, sleep, etc.
Its hard to believe its already July. Its hard to believe I have been at my job for 7 months now. In the same place for 9 months, that's got to be a record for my adult life.
So I am feeling a little cramped, the wanderlust is kicking in. The resistance to aging and becoming my parents is at full throttle, but I'm just spinning my tires. I feel like I need to do something quickly.
Of course this may be because things at work aren't going so well these days. I'm not enjoying it as much anymore. Not to say that one will always love their job, and that there wont be hard times and moments of struggle. I just wish that this feeling would have waited until the winter to come.
Summer is a magical time that way. It makes people do crazy things. Maybe its the heat or maybe the long days. Maybe its something so ingrained in us since childhood, that summertime equals adventure time, and I wonder now that there is such a horrible thing as year round schooling, what will the future generations think about summertime.
Summertime is about new adventures, picking berries right from the bushes, catching fireflies, and breathing in your surroundings and maybe a mosquito or two. I dunno why the world seems to be less fascinating as we get older. But I say lets put a stop to it.