A little river in Egypt-Part 2

There is a time at the beginning of the day when I am almost awake but not quite. I wander between consciousness and unconsciousness. I find this is the time when I allow my self to think thoughts that otherwise I would keep in check.
Like something that is whispered but I wouldn't said out loud. A Pandora's box of sorts, afraid of the power of the secret thoughts and emotions that rush out like a shaken up can of coke. Thoughts my waking body tries to keep a lid on. Put into words they become credible, when spoken they become truth or lies. But in the disorientation of a waking mind, truth and lies are blurred and I'm not sure which category my thoughts fall into. Its better if I don't speak them, I am afraid it will make them true--or false. And sometimes neither option is what I really want. Such are these waking thoughts, neither good or bad, but they cannot be uttered, even acknowledging them is dangerous. Its a secret that I want desperately to tell, but no-one to find out.
the thoughts play over and over until my mind is aware and I can force myself to think of something else, although often I don't feel I really can.
Then I quietly remember that nobody else can hear my thoughts, I take a deep breath, and slowly exhale and now I am awake and the thoughts are far away, and maybe its better that way. I'm not sure that they don't make me a monster.