Steal it all.

Tonight I came home, after being out all day to find a bright green flyer in my door handle. I love it how it was a flyer warning about break ins, nothing says nobody home like no car in the driveway, a for sale sign in the front yard and a bright green flyer in the door handle--I mean really?!?
I thought it was bad a couple weeks ago, when someone stole the flyer box off my for sale sign. I know times are rough, and everybody is feeling the pinch but what is the market value for a flyer box?
I feel like I really am living a nightmare. I have recurring nightmares since my break-in back in August. Everyone I knew said it was so lucky that i wasn't home when they broke in. I always think who is the lucky one? I don't know if they are so brazen yet to break in when someone is home. I just know in my dreams/nightmares about the break in, it always involves me and a baseball bat, sure I may not be able to hit a good pitch but you break into my house, and you will realize you have way more surface area than a baseball, and although I don't have any baseball bats around, a chair, a broom, a shovel, are all things I have very close and i will use them.
I am generally a non-violent person. I'm peace-loving and gentle, really. But this city is sucking all of that out of me. Between traffic and these "incidents" that seem to keep happening and the fact that you leave your Wild Irish Rose liquor bottle, from the cash only convenience store, on my front yard everyday, has me at my wits end.
In the past year my house has been broken into, they got away with a computer, a laptop, a digital camera, and a drill. My car(poor Lola the Corolla) has been shot, yes folks I found the bullet in the trunk. My car has also been broken into, the thieves unsuccessfully tried to steal the stereo, so in turn they managed to get away with some cheap earrings, and a wind up flashlight, and make it so when I accelerate the whole dash falls off.--thanks.
I want to put a big sign up on my front porch saying come on in take what you want, followed by some very vulgar names and swearing. I suppose that won't help sell the house. Coming home is a nightmare. Not only is it incredibly hard after a weekend with family to come home alone, to my empty house, but to know that when I get home my house could have been broken into again and all my stuff rifled through and my just back to normal-finally-settled-the-insurance life would be disrupted again. I feel like I need to pack everything up and put anything of marketable value at the bottom of my dirty clothes, but they would probably go through those too. I wish I still had the litter box from my cat, I should get one just to store valuables, nobody rifles through a litter box. What I really want is to not be alone and have to do all this by myself again.
I need a dog, I wonder if anyone will rent me one to keep around during the day when I'm at work. I can't seem to train the turtles to attack intruders, is it bad to wish Salmonella on them for breaking into the house? Maybe they will decided to touch something of the turtles and get sick, they will probably just blame it on the peanut butter crackers they ate earlier in the day. Maybe I should get a big cage and beware of snake signs, or maybe I should just get out of this town, that is the plan, as soon as I convince someone why they should buy my house. It's kinda a catch 22 isn't it? I can't move from the neighborhood because of the neighborhood. It makes me laugh in that tragic, cynical, situationally ironic kind of way.

HONESTLY....

I didn't vote. Some people think that's unpatriotic, unAmerican, un-something. I get lectures about those that fought for our freedom to vote, and history lessons as well. The problem was I had no opinion. If you have an opinion, let it mean something, too many times I have let other peoples opinions not only influence, but dictate my own. So I decided not to.
Politics aside, I can think of many instances in my life where I have done things because someone else liked them or wanted them for me, or questioned that what I thought or did was ridiculous. I can't think of a case where this has worked out for me.
I liked this guy that was really into cars, so I thought I had to be as well, I read all the car magazines, we talked about cars. I knew little about cars, just enough to fake a conversation. I like cars, but I don't love cars. It turns out that's all we had to talk about.
I also know I bought the house I live in because I was convinced it was what I needed to do, everyone told me that it made sense. It was charming and cute(still is) but it had character (meaning it needed work) I let my family and the idea of having a home decorating, fixing, having people over convince me of a false reality. I didn't stand my ground. I let someone else tell me what I wanted.
I think about my photography, I love taking pictures but sometimes I let the things people say stop me. I know its weird to take photographs everywhere you go, but that's who I am. I can't say it isn't hard when friends call you out and make fun of you for it. So I don't take pictures, I don't see the world through the lens. I get stale and uncreative in my work. Because I let someone else convince me that I was ridiculous.
I am learning a broader definition of Honesty. It's not just telling the truth its being the truth, being real with who you are. You may be wrong , but If you are honest about it you can move forward. The first person we deceive is ourselves.
It starts like this, "If I was in to cars he would like me more," "If I buy this I will be happier," "If I listen to my friends they will respect me more." So I have begun to think about what is real in my own life and what things do I go along with because it's easier, or because I live in fear of what it means or what people will think of me.
We know the "Christian" response to this. "It only matters what Christ thinks of me." We fail to ask the question, "What does Christ think of me?" , properly. Too many times we think in a performance mentality, we need to act a certain way for God to love us. I can't be this way, or think this way because God's word says that's evil. Its a good thought but are we lying about the nature of our own sin, we are covering things over. We miss the idea that Christ loves us, IN OUR SIN he loved us, before the foundations of the earth he loved us. Christ's love for us isn't based on how good we are. Grace wouldn't be grace if we deserved it. So lets be honest about our righteousness.
Yes, Yes we know that we are imputed with Christ's righteousness, and declared righteous before God, but I'm talking practically and sanctificationally. Is Sanctificationally even a word? We are still fallen creatures living in a fallen world, the difference now is that we have the ability to choose righteousness.
Honestly, I'm prideful and impatient, a little impetuous, a lot of faithless, I'm mean spirited and conniving, manipulative even. It is Christs work in us that changes us, but how can we ask for fixing if we don't think we are broken. It starts with Honesty.
Getting back to it I am learning exactly how this plays out. I no longer feel like I need to pretend to like things I don't. I am not talking about being impolite, I really don't like raw tomatoes but if I go to someones house and they serve me raw tomatoes, I am gonna eat them and if they ask me how they are, I am going to say thank you, but I am not the best judge of what a good tomato is. Would I like more?-No, Thank you. What I mean is I don't have to pretend I like cars, or zombie movies, or a certain type of music or whatever. If I care about you I will take an interest in things that interest you, but it's because I like you, not because I like cars or zombie movies, and I am not doing it to convince you, that you should like me back.
I laugh now, because it wasn't too long ago, I had a crush at work. So being slightly stalkerish I decided to see if he was on Facebook or Myspace. He was. After looking at his profile, mine just didn't seem very cool, and I convinced myself I needed better pictures, and different music, before I could add him as a friend.
Not only can I be honest about what I don't like, but also what I do like. I am not going to feel bad telling you that I like sappy movies, I really like sappy movies, and for so long I didn't let myself because a guy I was pursuing a relationship with didn't like sappy movies. I convinced myself not to watch them. Needless to say that wasn't the only thing I forfeited to try and make it work. I stopped being who I was, for who I thought he wanted me to be. When he probably just wanted me, or maybe more realistically he didn't want me at all AND THAT'S OK TOO. We miss that. I sure did for a long time.
Be honest with yourself, honest with others. Think for yourself, stand up for what you believe, have a reason to do so, correct and uphold others in love. Value others opinions, as opinions. Realize not everything in life has to be agreed on, but recognize when it does. No amount of convincing is going to make you like my power rangers soundtrack, and that's OK too. Christ loves his own, and always has and always will.