HONESTLY....

I didn't vote. Some people think that's unpatriotic, unAmerican, un-something. I get lectures about those that fought for our freedom to vote, and history lessons as well. The problem was I had no opinion. If you have an opinion, let it mean something, too many times I have let other peoples opinions not only influence, but dictate my own. So I decided not to.
Politics aside, I can think of many instances in my life where I have done things because someone else liked them or wanted them for me, or questioned that what I thought or did was ridiculous. I can't think of a case where this has worked out for me.
I liked this guy that was really into cars, so I thought I had to be as well, I read all the car magazines, we talked about cars. I knew little about cars, just enough to fake a conversation. I like cars, but I don't love cars. It turns out that's all we had to talk about.
I also know I bought the house I live in because I was convinced it was what I needed to do, everyone told me that it made sense. It was charming and cute(still is) but it had character (meaning it needed work) I let my family and the idea of having a home decorating, fixing, having people over convince me of a false reality. I didn't stand my ground. I let someone else tell me what I wanted.
I think about my photography, I love taking pictures but sometimes I let the things people say stop me. I know its weird to take photographs everywhere you go, but that's who I am. I can't say it isn't hard when friends call you out and make fun of you for it. So I don't take pictures, I don't see the world through the lens. I get stale and uncreative in my work. Because I let someone else convince me that I was ridiculous.
I am learning a broader definition of Honesty. It's not just telling the truth its being the truth, being real with who you are. You may be wrong , but If you are honest about it you can move forward. The first person we deceive is ourselves.
It starts like this, "If I was in to cars he would like me more," "If I buy this I will be happier," "If I listen to my friends they will respect me more." So I have begun to think about what is real in my own life and what things do I go along with because it's easier, or because I live in fear of what it means or what people will think of me.
We know the "Christian" response to this. "It only matters what Christ thinks of me." We fail to ask the question, "What does Christ think of me?" , properly. Too many times we think in a performance mentality, we need to act a certain way for God to love us. I can't be this way, or think this way because God's word says that's evil. Its a good thought but are we lying about the nature of our own sin, we are covering things over. We miss the idea that Christ loves us, IN OUR SIN he loved us, before the foundations of the earth he loved us. Christ's love for us isn't based on how good we are. Grace wouldn't be grace if we deserved it. So lets be honest about our righteousness.
Yes, Yes we know that we are imputed with Christ's righteousness, and declared righteous before God, but I'm talking practically and sanctificationally. Is Sanctificationally even a word? We are still fallen creatures living in a fallen world, the difference now is that we have the ability to choose righteousness.
Honestly, I'm prideful and impatient, a little impetuous, a lot of faithless, I'm mean spirited and conniving, manipulative even. It is Christs work in us that changes us, but how can we ask for fixing if we don't think we are broken. It starts with Honesty.
Getting back to it I am learning exactly how this plays out. I no longer feel like I need to pretend to like things I don't. I am not talking about being impolite, I really don't like raw tomatoes but if I go to someones house and they serve me raw tomatoes, I am gonna eat them and if they ask me how they are, I am going to say thank you, but I am not the best judge of what a good tomato is. Would I like more?-No, Thank you. What I mean is I don't have to pretend I like cars, or zombie movies, or a certain type of music or whatever. If I care about you I will take an interest in things that interest you, but it's because I like you, not because I like cars or zombie movies, and I am not doing it to convince you, that you should like me back.
I laugh now, because it wasn't too long ago, I had a crush at work. So being slightly stalkerish I decided to see if he was on Facebook or Myspace. He was. After looking at his profile, mine just didn't seem very cool, and I convinced myself I needed better pictures, and different music, before I could add him as a friend.
Not only can I be honest about what I don't like, but also what I do like. I am not going to feel bad telling you that I like sappy movies, I really like sappy movies, and for so long I didn't let myself because a guy I was pursuing a relationship with didn't like sappy movies. I convinced myself not to watch them. Needless to say that wasn't the only thing I forfeited to try and make it work. I stopped being who I was, for who I thought he wanted me to be. When he probably just wanted me, or maybe more realistically he didn't want me at all AND THAT'S OK TOO. We miss that. I sure did for a long time.
Be honest with yourself, honest with others. Think for yourself, stand up for what you believe, have a reason to do so, correct and uphold others in love. Value others opinions, as opinions. Realize not everything in life has to be agreed on, but recognize when it does. No amount of convincing is going to make you like my power rangers soundtrack, and that's OK too. Christ loves his own, and always has and always will.