Believable Fiction
I haven't posted anything of an overly spiritual nature since I started my blog. That is an important part of my life and I want people to know that. However I have this overwhelming fear that I am a hypocrite.
I can honestly say, I mess up a lot. I don't do the right things all the time and my words and thoughts aren't always Godly. The pastor of my church posed the question yesterday that maybe people don't talk about God and Jesus because they are embarrassed to be associated with him, after all Jesus's path was marked with persecution. I think for me, I am not embarrassed by God, but by myself. I can't see how God would even want me to talk about him because it would probably do more harm than good. In a round about way I am afraid of the persecution of myself, I don't want people to see me mess up.
The more I think about it the more I realize it's true, and having this particular fear isn't right either. It does seem to cement my point though. When I think about how it is, I think about how easy it is to get a wrong picture of God. Although I don't outwardly believe that God is going to be embarrassed of me, and think me useless, the very fact that these questions come up in my mind reveal that somewhere inside me I think this is the way it is. I don't want to be seen by God or man as a failure, a screw-up or just messed up.
And the point is, this is where I am, a hypocrite through and through. God is bigger than that and although I fail many times over and over again, God can use me. Why he continues to do so is something I cannot fathom. I still struggle with it, and realize on some level that ultimately its not about me.
I can honestly say, I mess up a lot. I don't do the right things all the time and my words and thoughts aren't always Godly. The pastor of my church posed the question yesterday that maybe people don't talk about God and Jesus because they are embarrassed to be associated with him, after all Jesus's path was marked with persecution. I think for me, I am not embarrassed by God, but by myself. I can't see how God would even want me to talk about him because it would probably do more harm than good. In a round about way I am afraid of the persecution of myself, I don't want people to see me mess up.
The more I think about it the more I realize it's true, and having this particular fear isn't right either. It does seem to cement my point though. When I think about how it is, I think about how easy it is to get a wrong picture of God. Although I don't outwardly believe that God is going to be embarrassed of me, and think me useless, the very fact that these questions come up in my mind reveal that somewhere inside me I think this is the way it is. I don't want to be seen by God or man as a failure, a screw-up or just messed up.
And the point is, this is where I am, a hypocrite through and through. God is bigger than that and although I fail many times over and over again, God can use me. Why he continues to do so is something I cannot fathom. I still struggle with it, and realize on some level that ultimately its not about me.
posted by becka at 1:56 PM
2 Comments:
Becka,
As a fellow hypocrite going on 25 years now, i'd like to encourage you to be of good cheer. God doesn't see you as a failure, He only sees the righteousness of Jesus -- assuming that you have confessed with your lips the Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead (Romans 10:9).
You are right, this life you live is ultimately not about you. It's about God. Our primary purpose here is to glorify Him and enjoy Him forever. I think (i'm testing this out in my own life) that the less we think about ourselves, the more we end up glorifying God.
Anyway, i was just cruising this blog, saw this post and wanted to share that encouragement.
Be confident of this very thing: "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ." (Phillipians 1:6)
God Bless, Becka!
thank you for your comment, i believe that to be true, but that doesnt mean i have accomplished it yet...
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