Indecision

Some people seem to have it all figured out, they know what they want and they seem to pursue it at an amazing speed. They set goals and have a step by step way of achieving them. They make decisions and these shape their lives. So what happens if you don't make decisions, the very act of not deciding is a decision, by which out lives are shaped. By nature I am not a very decisive person. I may not know what I want but most often I know what I don't want. I let my decisions be made for me, if at all possible. Some people think this is lazy, or apathetic, but I beg to differ. Deciding what you don't want probably takes as much time and I would venture more time on the road to knowing what you truly want. For example, what should I wear?--well I could just pick something out and wear it, but I pick something that is not dirty, that's a decision that most normal people make about the kind of things they don't want. The question of what to wear is hardest answered right after laundry day, but toward the end of the week we all base our decisions on what we still have that's clean. As for other decisions, I generally try to be helpful and easy going. Like if my boss or one of my coworkers asks me to come in or work for them, I generally will unless I really can't--even if I don't want to. Maybe I am too nice, and maybe I have been played, but its a decision that I make based on the type of person I am, and I am the type of person that would do something that makes me miserable if it helps someone else, sometimes with grumbling and complaining;). I find it pretty easy to get along with people, except when they are non-decision makers like me, then we never know what to do or where to go or what to eat, we just kinda sit around. Although I am attracted to these type of people, they don't make me feel extra stress by thinking I should know what to do. They aren't always asking whets happening next or what are we doing. Sometimes --most times I have no idea what I am doing, but I am having fun doing it.
I wonder what this indecision really is. What if its something deeper than I ever imagined, what if its a strange irrational fear that people wont like what I like to do and therefore I think they wont like me. So I let them decide because I think it makes them happier. People like not deciding, whets wrong with that, but what if its just a matter of apathy?
What if I just don't know what I want, I know what I don't want mostly, so I can narrow down a set of options. I cant just pick one off the top of my head and do it, maybe I am too creative for that. A sort of options overload.
When asked what I want to do with my life, it's not a matter of deciding, I think if I decide that will limit who I am. What if instead of narrowing it down to what I want to do or what I want to be what if I just want to do it all, and what if I accomplish it all, who is to say I can't. Maybe I'm not indecisive at all maybe I just dream bigger? What if I am wrong and I waste all my time thinking so I don't have to decide?