Big Day

So today was a big day mail wise. I got a rebate from my recent computer purchase as well as my photography course, and the last of my tax stuff I think...I might have some more donation stuff coming from world vision.
On the world vision note, another reason to pay 4 bucks a cup at starbucks is because they have a donation matching program, so they will match what I give up to 1000 bucks a year! Plus they give me benefits and I am only part time. This is mucho important!
tomorrow is a big day too, hopefully my pre-ordered KJ-52 and T-shirt will be in the mail tomorrow. Since it was shipped on Friday and tomorrow is the official release. Its gonna be great. Anberlin's CD is out tomorrow too. What an exciting day. I'm sure there are more, there always is--oh I love music.
for more info on these bands and others check out the music section on the sidebar. You can search for music to buy or concerts to see, its all right there for you!

I couldn't get the stupid banner to work

Ok guys this is awesome! ICHTHUS FESTIVAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. Sure Kentucky might seem far away, but I dunno if I can miss out on this one. Oh man oh man oh man so much for my rainy day fund--heh heh maybe it will rain? I have been needing a concert fix and itickets doesn't like to display this festival for some reason and I can never spell ichthus unless I am looking right at it so I could never do a search. I was searching and artists page and found it. Oh there are benefits to being an insomniac--thankfully there is the internet and awesome bands and awesome festivals that I must attend.
oh and they had a really cool banner to put up--y'all know how much I like banners, but it wouldn't work right. They made you download the file but all I need is to copy and paste the code and they didn't have the code for me--what good is that!

Is there Honour among thieves?

When I think of honour, immediately my mind goes to famous characters from books or movies. From the daring rescues of super heroes, to the knights of the round table.
While I contemplate these fascinating and exciting heroes, I am drawn further into the whole idea and process of honour. What is honour, what makes a person honourable? Who shall we look to for an accurate example of honour? How do we become honourable?

The dictionary defines honour as "A mark, token, or gesture of respect or distinction." That may sound very well and good. But what does that really mean? What is this mark, and who decides when and if someone receives honour? The dictionary also says that honour is a good name; reputation. However important these things are I believe the dictionary fails to bring the true meaning of honour. For I believe honour is not merely an outward mark of respect or a good name, but an outward flowing of that which is contained in the heart and mind of a person. Honour then is this, The outward display of courage and respect and being of a good stature, that reflects the true inner integrity of a man or woman.

A great many people have been called honourable. It is often a title reserved for those that carry out justice such as judges. It is also used in regard to people of higher class standing. Although having a higher class does not necessarily make one honourable. Super heroes however honorable they may be are only an imaginable attempt to find an honourable individual, they may be honourable but they do not exist in reality. Even the great literary heroes, the first I think of is king Arthur, and the nights of the round table but any study into their lives will come up with a men in many cases overtaken with lust and greed. Even historically people that have been deemed as honourable have come up short in one way or another. I think a person that is truly honourable, does not seek honour but rather seeks the honour of others before their own. I believe this is what The Bible teaches us. It's a paradox in a sense. We must be humble to be exalted, we must be last to be first. Over and over again the scriptures point to this truth. I think back to the ones that strive for justice, but with out mercy and grace there is no love, without a perfect and holy love there is no justice, and without justice balanced by these things there is no honour. Who is honourable but God alone?

How then, if anyone claims to be honourable, does he or she become such? There isn't a magic spell or a Dorothy-clicking-of-the heels, that brings us to honour. Honour cannot be bought or sold. Honour is not a one time phenomenon, but rather something that we must daily ascertain to become. If God alone is honourable, to become honourable, we must therefore become like him. We must not think that we can become gods ourselves because this is a farce, that in our own self absorption we are inclined to believe. It is only through the greatest outpouring of propitiation at the death of Christ for our own punishment that we see the greatest example of honour. And it is only from there that one can expect to become honourable.

I claim this power, yet I am not honourable, not yet anyway. I have a long way to go. Each day I must begin again. I am the worst. I claim to want the best for people and yet out of the same mouth come words that tear and rip apart these same people. I claim to honour those in authority over me, but yet I feel I am in a constant battle to resist their authority and instruction. Sometimes I want to do things my own way, even though it isn't right. A friend of mine was reading an interesting quotation "It's like my mind knows what's right, but my heart is being retarded..."(author unknown) There will always be a battle of wills, and usually it begins within. Even the most honourable make mistakes, but they are considered honourable because they choose to make right their wrongs and to change the way they live. Therefore, in becoming honourable, I must forgive and receive forgiveness, and learn from my mistakes.

A good point

Shane pointed out a good point this morning. I am not poor. I have a new computer, a car, a house, friends and family, a church... Sometimes I just get a little too self absorbed. Thanks for bringing me back to reality.

"...Then you'll see my heart, in the saddest state its ever been..."

Last night I went to prayer meeting at church. I love and hate prayer meeting all at the same time. Its overwhelming and that's both good and bad.
On the good side, I love my church and being prayed for and praying. Its amazing and I have seen God work in so many ways. The people there are amazing and I know that they care.
But yet I hate it because there is no hiding from God, I cant keep my mask on and still truly see him. When I look into his eyes I see the reflection of myself and I don't like what I see. As RK so eloquently sings in their song "Who I am Hates Who I've Been."
Being surrounded by people that care when you are hurting is an amazing thing. I don't like to cry but it seems that every time I go to church I either cry through the whole service, or cry the whole way home. Sometimes its dealing with my own failings and sometimes its out of overwhelming love and gratitude, and sometimes it just is.
I know why the holy spirit intervenes for us. I can't put to words what those tears mean. When someone asks me what's wrong, I have no words to tell them. I am communicating to my Saviour and I just don't have words that express.
So tonight I cried, and it felt good and bad all at once. I know he understands.
I was frustrated today, and more than today, recently. Friends that refuse to let people in. Ok I know you're screwed up because I'm there too, so stop trying to be cool and pretend everything is ok. I don't care if you cry--just if I cry.;) The thing that gets me is that I am trying to be real and to maintain real relationships, and it doesn't help you or me if you are superficial. I think there is a time and place for superficiality, but there is always something just under the surface, and this tends to be the best part of a person. All I am saying is I want to know who you are. Maybe you can't trust me and that's ok, I just want you to know that I care and its ok.
With that said I go back to the RK song. I guess if we don't like who we've been we don't like showing other people that. But I am trying. I want to be one of those people where you know who I am and where I've been and I know that its ok that I haven't always been a good person, but I'm trying.
This post is getting too long and its ending up in a different direction than I originally set out in this post. Things don't always come out the way we want, blogs and people. I guess I am human that way too.

Remember you are my child

I am down, in the dirt,
I come around.
Forgive my hurt.
I'm reaching out,
through all my doubt.

You seem out of my reach
Lost, I can't speak.
I am weak, show me what I seek.
What is this that you teach?

Do you hear it pound?,
through your head like you're there,
a tear, some fear, they take the spear
and it is done.
He is the one.
Above him there is none.

Believing and dying,
through this I'm living.
Releasing and giving.
Losing, trying, & sighing.

Real faith is messy.
I am the posterchild.
A mix of doubt and trust.
of failure and fighting,
He looked down at me and smiled,
remember you are my child.

Mad World
This is amazing, it has an ethereal quality that sticks in your head. The video is also very interesting I really like the concept. Check it out

How Long?

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.
Psalm14 The Holy Bible, NIV

Change

A person that ceases to change becomes stagnate as a puddle that won't dry up. Putrid and shallow. See God is different he is the source that flows, flows and never changes. It is said that you never step in the same river twice. It appears as if God is always changing, but he is true to his nature, he never changes and he is not finite and limited, like we are. Maybe its not a change but rather an immeasurable limitless of who God is?
Maybe it is this flow that keeps us from being static and deepens our lives.
"..But whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."-John 4:14

My wildest dreams come true...An update

Ok so a few months ago. I was feeling a little down one day so I decided to write a blog describing the most awesome day scenario. I guess I was very realistic in my rendition of it, or just sincere and my friends who are amazing and want to believe the best and amazing things for me, took me serious. I am reflecting on some of the things I said and I am updating on what has happened in my life since. (original post in green)
So today I walked into work. I guess the manager has been talking with the district manager about all of us in the studio and how hard we work, so they have decided to increase our salary to $8 an hour plus commission. This is awesome! I now have a new job, it pays close to 8 an hour plus commission(tips) So then I go out into the mall, and there is a new music instrument store, I was talking to the owner about his store as I was getting a set of strings for my guitar, I actually did get a set of strings that day in fact. and he told me that this is just his day job, he's actually working on an album and he's really frustrated because he can't seem to get a backup singer for some of his tracks, I casually mentioned that I do some singing and so he asked me if I would come back after I got off from work today and audition. My buddy Adam is recording his first album and has asked me to do some vocals on it. He also mentioned that he needs someone to do some photography for his album and he asked if I could do it for him. He said even if it didn't work out for me to sing, he would pay me $500 for the use of my photography skills. Then when I got home, there was a call on the answering machine that my friend Tim found a car for me, and it's basically free except for the work that I have to put into it, he said it's not that much--he should know he's a mechanic. He said it's a 93 Toyota, it's silver like my old Toyota, it's only got 103,000 miles, he told me it has a great CD player too. I got a new car, not a Toyota but a Ford, it's got a few more miles but it was the right price and its got better mileage than the beast I was driving. Then I opened up my mail and my bank credited my account with that overdraft they charged me last year plus interest. They had gone back and re-examined their records and in fact it had been their error, they apologized profusely. No overdraft recredited but I was able to finally cash a cheque that was long overdue, I got a good exchange on it as well so it was like getting extra money, actually almost as much as the fees they charged for my overdraft. hmmm. My dad came home from work, and he said he had a surprise for me, so I went out to his truck and he had a puppy in there--for me. He said him and mom were talking the other night and they thought about how lonely I was and how happy my fish made me, so they got me a puppy. Still dreaming of a puppy. Luckily I have some great friends that own Pepsi--a very lovable pup, they are my second family and I practically live there so its like having a puppy of my own. Plus I am actively puppy shopping, never stop hoping! I asked what was the catch, why could I have a puppy at the house. So he told me that for Christmas they had paid for my first and last months rent and deposit for a small apartment close to where I work--and they take dogs! I was ecstatic, I still don't have a name for my puppy he's soo cute. I will have to take some pictures and show you. So anyway it gets better, I go to check my email and there was this thing from dell computers, I guess I had entered some contest on their website when I was browsing for computers, and I won! So I get a brand new computer with all the cutting edge technology, DVD/CD burner thingy, a 17 inch flat screen monitor. Its got lots of memory, they said I could put tons of music and pictures on it with no problem. I tried to win a computer I was pretty faithful for about two weeks around christmastime playing the dellf delivers dell computer game. Much to my chagrin I didn't win. But we were at BestBuy shopping for my dad for Christmas and I got an awesome deal on a computer, no flat screen monitor but its 17 inch lots of memory, I don't know what to do with all the speed? I guess they needed to confirm my address, and make sure I would be home when they came to deliver it. They have to do all kinds of promotional stuff and I get a tech guy to come in here and help me configure everything and put it all together! How cool is that? So I decided to celebrate with some shopping, I found this awesome pair of jeans, word is out that there is a perfect fitting pair of jeans uses digital imaging to scan your body and then creates a perfect fitting pair of jeans --who knew? they fit like a dream, but they were kinda expensive, the tag said $75, but I thought--you know I am worth it, so I went to check out and turns out they had been marked wrong and they were really only $17. When I came back my puppy was barking at me, and he ran and jumped up when I came in the door, he misses me already. So I gave him some love, and he fell asleep on my lap. He's so cute, I didn't mind the drool from him sleeping. I called up some of my friends we are gonna go out for supper at the Mexican place and then go to a concert tonight. Haven't been to a concert in what feels like forever, I did buy some new CD's, my most recent was preordering the new KJ-52 CD, I got a free t-shirt with it, How cool is that? I eat at the Mexican place a lot, in fact that sounds really good today.This day is awesome.
Just Kidding..But wouldn't it be cool?
As if all this stuff weren't enough? I am also taking a photography course starting the end of the month. I have some new friends and I am learning to do HTML code. And I am actually working for all this stuff rather than getting it for free, so it feels good and worth it!

whaddaya think?

let me know whatcha think about these guys i heard them today for the first time.

No life

Once again I have proven my nerdiness. You would be surprised at how many weird and obnoxious things you can find online. I found another great one today. Instead of getting out and doing stuff I have sat here all night playing on the computer. Sick sad and pathetic. But my blog is better than ever for it and I found some great stuff. Things that involve more paper wads. I decided the virtual life is ok because I spend my working days constantly interacting with people and its nice to have some relief from talking to people and putting on a smile. So in a way its more of an escape than an actual reality, so I guess that's ok.

I almost want to buy one...just because

This is great, you must check it out. ROTFL! Seriously. If you get me this for Christmas I will probably pee in my pants. This has got to be one of the greatest things I have ever seen.

For all of you out there....

Someone once told me that only boring people get bored. So here is something for you if you happen to be a not so exciting person, to make your life a little more surreal. Or if you are an exciting person to make you laugh.

Snow

So it snowed here today. A rare occurrence. I like snow. It reminds me of the grace of God and its amazing ability to make clean what is dirty by covering it over. We only got like 1/8 an inch of snow which doesn't cover much. It made me think how often we only take a little bit of God thinking it will work and cover us. We still wanna live our way and do our thing and its like a 1/8 inch of snow. Doesn't cover much, doesn't look very nice.

This just in....

Anberlin has a new site up and ready. Check it out. The album Never take friendship personal comes out soon! Check it out for more band info. You can even listen to some of their stuff. What are you waiting for?

Need a break

I thought this was not only cute but also very relaxing. It has some nice peaceful music with ocean sounds and the illusion of water. Very relaxing. Something to do late at night when you should be sleeping but you're not. The bottom of the sea

Who we are

I believe to an extent people become to you what you hold them too, if you trust people they become trustworthy, if you depend on people they become dependable--and adversely if you don't expect them to be the best they will become whatever you expect of them--you expect nothing you get nothing--sometimes.
There are incredible people out there that in spite of all odds against them, have changed the world when nobody expected them too. I have also seen great people fail under the curse of negative expectations. People fail under too high of expectations as well. Think the best, hope for greatness, be willing to start over and don't let the pass or failure be a condition of your love for anyone. Expectations are meant to bring out the best in ourselves and others because we care about them.
All I am saying is give people the benefit of the doubt. Forgive, forget, move on. Everyone is going to break trust or fall through or fail, its what they do to pick up the pieces, get back up and to try again. I mean it sucks when you people screw you over, but how many times have I screwed people over? Hopefully less and less all the time. But I believe in second chances, because I don't always get them, and I rarely deserve them. That same grace, getting that which we don't deserve, we received should be the same grace we bestow.

A peice of americana

When i was a kid I loved the show Dukes of Hazzard, it really brings out the redneck in me. I always wondered if your last name is Duke why on earth you would name your son Luke? Still boggles the mind. Anyway i always am amazed at the limitless nonsense taht can be found on the internet. I get a bunch from my friends but i discovered this on my own. check it out!

Music

So today I got a big promo poster in the mail for Cornerstone Festival, I would love to go--it would be amazing. But I am poor and its in Illinois and its in the middle of summer, which generally isn't a good time for me.
So I went to check out their website. I stumbled across some links on their site. One of the amazing ones is Paste Music. It's all about the samplers and music with each magazine issue. I remember back in the day when I got 7ball, it was so great to get a CD and a magazine every other month. Fed my music addiction, also introduced me to some great bands which I then introduced to all my friends and they are still awesome to this day.
So my point is, you can get this for me for my birthday and if I happen to get a subscription as well then we could change one of them over to your addy and you could get great music and then when we chat online we can be like --"oh did you read the article about ________ on page 37 IT'S ROCKIN'." Good music is better when enjoyed with friends, so find a good song and tell me about it
They also have streaming radio which I love since Launchcast cut my radio back because I was listening to it too much. !

Llama Llama

A whole lot of Llama goodness!

Can you believe it!!!!

Bleach's final CD of all new and fresh material coming out March 1!!!!! Oh yeah baby. If you are any kind of friend of mine you will buy this record for me and yourself!!!!!!

...Out of Luck

disclaimer: the following song contains words that must be used with care. I do not use them lightly, sometimes things are how they are.

I can't communicate
you cant complain
I can't handle you caring now
when I have been on my own for so long

Is it separate
is it together
I don't know where the line is
but you yell at me when I cross it

I knew there was a catch
nothing is ever for free
I knew it was going to be this way
I fought it the whole time

I don't want to be here
you act like I am not welcome
then get mad that I am never around
I don't understand it, I never can

Chorus:

I feel poor
I feel stuck
like I'm shit out of luck

my credit card number is

4561 1258 2563 3636 expires 04/08

Overplayed or played out

So I logged on to yahoo to listen to my launch cast radio station, only to find out I have already listened to 800 songs this month so my free service is cut back. That's no good. So now I have to listen to the lower quality and I cant choose what songs it plays until next month. Oh well. I am listening to it now on my new headphones/microphone combo. I gave in and bought a headset at walmart on my way home from work today.
I have cut back how much I go to walmart, but not enough yet. Last year I think I went less than a handful of times from January to June then it was all out the window after that. Walmart--its a cultural icon. Made in ______ everywhere but the united states. I remember back in the day when you went to walmart to support Americas jobs, they had the proudly made in the USA stickers on just about everything. Its all been moved elsewhere now. I don't even want to get into what I think about that. Except to say I don't like it.
So I decided to get this headset so I could actually type and talk to people rather than trying to talk into a pair of headphones that I had to practically swallow for anybody to hear what I was saying. Plus they make me look more professional, sitting in front of my computer wearing my pajamas and eating microwave rice--I'm very professional.
Do you ever wonder if telemarketers have a dress code, and how stupid it must be to have a dress code for a job where you never see anybody face to face. Do you think if you had a blind boss that you would break dress code?, its interesting to think about.
today I also visited REI. I decided I am too boring. I want to get back into the outdoors stuff, I thought REI would be the place to go to find out about stuff like that. Problem is I don't really have anybody to do stuff with, I need someone that can understand compasses and jazz because, try as I might I just don't get it, and I really don't wanna get lost in the middle of nowhere. Didn't find anything but a bunch of gadgety cool stuff that I really don't need and that is way out of my price range--knives and tents and specially lined sleeping bags, water bottles and filters and carribeaners, kayaks and canoes and bikes. I could be an awesome outdoor poser though.
I decided I am not done experiencing I want to travel and see the world and do weird stuff
I think I might go to New England and live on a cranberry farm and help with the harvest. I also want to learn how to surf, raise some goats, and be a rock star. I have much to do before I get old. I better get started.

get yourself a mood ring

The weekend is over. To some that may be very depressing but to me it was music to my ears. See this weekend wasn't exactly wonderful. The events leading up to the weekend really made it rough.
Thursday I blew a tire on my car while pulling up to a friends house, so I spent all afternoon getting that fixed, the bright side of it is that my amazing friends paid for it. But I was tired and stressed.
The next thing happened Friday, my dad decided that I had left my stuff in the wrong place too many times and he thought he'd "talk" to me about it. I had gone to walmart that day to try and get some stuff and ended up coming home later than I had anticipated, so I am rushing around the house trying to get ready for work, and he yells at me for leaving my plate on the counter in the kitchen rather than putting it in the sink, I thought I had done alright with the plate making it to the kitchen from my room. Then I had put the clean laundry from the dryer on the couch so I could put my stuff in the dryer,and he yelled at me for not putting it in the basket and then for having my stuff in the basket for a week. It was ridiculous, but I was already tired and emotional so it just didn't help.
when I got to work at 7 o clock and it turns out I was supposed to be there at 6:30, so I am going to get written up for being late. I checked everything and everything said 7-11 and I was supposed to work 6:30-12. The weird thing is I went back yesterday and checked everything again and it all said 6:30-12 and I remember showing it to someone saying 7-11 so I dunno what happened I am really confused.(welcome to the twilight zone)
But that night at work, my whole day had been thrown off, I had missed the youth outing for work and a few of them said they might stop by and visit me at work, and I was really hoping they would, but they didn't. I was just really tired, really stressed, and really emotional, and it was all I had within me to not cry. I spilled a bunch of stuff, I kept knocking over lids and cups and doing things wrong. I said a few words that I don't ever say lightly, words that would get my mouth washed out with soap. I also found out that I have like no hours this week for work--like 15, I need 20 a week for 2 months to get my benefits, which I desperately need.
So I spent the weekend recovering from the stressful and emotional disaster of my life, and thinking about being written up and how bad that is for me wanting to progress in the company.
So yesterday I sat down and had a chat with my manager, about the business, and my hours, and my write-up and moving to a new store, and a follow up on the conversation she had with me a couple of weeks ago. I didn't get written up after all which was a relief to me. I guess someone I worked with had mentioned that I didn't respond to them. Well I took it to mean that I was ignoring people. Turns out I wasn't. They were upset because when asked to do something I would do it, and I wouldn't say anything about it or acknowledge it. I am still trying to figure out how that's a problem. wouldn't you rather have someone that does it but doesn't say anything rather than someone who acknowledges it then doesn't do it? I dunno it doesn't make any kind of sense to me. I guess I learned growing up that there is no reply to some things. When something needs to be done you do it, why hesitate, why say anything, to me that is pointless. So now I have been trying to acknowledge that people have said things, I just say Ok, or Sure. Its almost not saying anything but yet it gives whoever made the initial comment peace of mind. Whatever. So I am doing alright.
I seem to be a little more emotionally stable this week, I pray that it continues. See guys think its rough when girls are all emotional, they don't know what to do about it. Do you think girls know what to do with it either. Its weird, its like it takes over, and you don't know how to handle it.
I did have some good talks with some of my guy friends this weekend about emotions and how important it is to deal with them in a healthy way. I learned some stuff too, so that was cool.
Last night I chatted for a couple of hours with my friend Kevin through a pair of headphones, because I had no microphone. (very weird setup-just shake your head and laugh as you imagine.) we were on this new program called skype, its a free voice over IP thingy, it worked pretty well actually, except I was having microphone trouble. It was good to laugh though, and to have my friend laugh with me. I miss that a lot some days. I didn't feel much like talking last night, some days I just prefer to type than to talk but it was good for me.
well I should go get my oil changed, Tuesday is ladies day so I get a discount. I might just take it down to Higher Standard. So I can visit my friends.

Lyrically speaking

I think I remembered a dream
you and me watching the sky
the light slowly fading in the west
this time of year the air feels the best

I saw a car like yours
I rolled down my window to feel the breeze
cranked up the tunes
so I could pretend I was with you

riding down the road
the trees' silhouette against the setting sun
for a minute I thought I was going home
but I don't live there anymore

I'll never forget that sound
like when I was in the city
the subway-you going my way
getting lost and going the wrong way

can you remember the time
can you feel the air
hear that sound?
notice now that I'm not around.

why are the words employment and enjoyment so close?

You know what I hate almost as much as looking for a job? A sucky job. Although I might stick with a sucky job for a while just because I either need the money or I just hate looking for another one.
First you have to skim through all the stuff that there is no chance you are qualified for, I'm not a nurse, and I don't have my CDL so that cuts down the search in half. Then you have the prospective ones, they look good on the surface, you make some calls and nobody ever returns your call, or it turns out the ad didn't accurately describe it and its actually the job of calling people during supper and trying to sell them stuff, man I feel bad for telemarketers--they are people too!
I dunno what it is, maybe all the pressure and the stress, trying to be excited but at the same time not getting your hopes up. Plus the whole interview/application/resume process, did I say enough, did I say too much? I hope they can see past the 15 gazillion jobs that I have had. Wondering if you have enough experience, enough education. Heaven forbid you are overqualified!
If you actually get the job. There is starting the job, the learning curve, usually comes with a lot of numbers and things to remember and the first two weeks you feel like an absolute dork that can't seem to do anything right.
So I press on, hoping and praying for a job that will get me on my feet again. Maybe I will find a place close by and ditch this dumb 35 min commute--it sucks especially at 4:30am, oh well life goes on, there are worse things that could be wrong with my life.

Congradulations you are Jem!


Which Character from Jem and the Holograms Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

its my spidey Peter Parker, unfourtunately mom was scared of him so I had to "put him down" 

Resolution Smesolution

In keeping with my new years tradition I have resolved to not make any new years resolutions. After all everyday is the beginning of a new year. A year is but a measure of 365.25 days. This minute is the first minute in the next 365.25 days, oh and this one too. You see I could go on like this forever.
The point is, new years is just another reason people have to go get drunk and do whatever they want--kinda like Mardi Gras. One last BANG! Before they come clean and start over. But if everyday is the beginning of a new year, either is gives us license to party every night and do all of our worst sins because we know the next day is a new beginning, or we realize that we have no right ever to be evil people because its just another day.
Plus if I really wanted to change I wouldn't wait until January 1 to make an effort to become different. Like it's a mystical day or something, the clock chimes 12 and we turn from evil people into the people we have always wanted to become. It doesn't work that way. It seems like a fad to me, everybody is doing it, and most people will be done with it by the second week of January. To really change I suppose it has to be more than a once a year commitment, but rather an everyday commitment.
Some people use the new year as a time to reflect upon their successes and failures, what worked last year what didn't. Personally I just remember a lot of bad stuff and how I messed up here and there, its no wonder people drink when they remember 2004. A lot good happens everyday and I think its important as we look back, whether it be on the new year (Jan 1) or everyday of our lives, that we be reminded of the good stuff as well as God's grace to make us new people. Its a continuing thing, we are always trying to improve. I guess there comes a point when we realize the people we are, we can keep trying to improve ourselves, eat better, get more exercise, give to a charity, etc., etc. Or we can see that without God we will never be the people we are meant to be.
I think Christmas and new years are probably the most selfish time of year, first I get all these gifts and I actually expect them, then I focus on myself and tear myself up over all my failings, and compare myself to others that I think I should be more like. What good does that do? Just brings out the greedy mean person that I am. This is always my biggest struggle. I focus on myself and trying to be better. I lose sight of the bigger picture. It's not about me.
Today I remembered why I don't watch TV anymore. I was over at a friends house and the rose parade was on. How many millions of dollars do you think when into that? And halfway around the world there are over 100,000 people dead and many missing and homeless because of a huge natural disaster. We Americans are so smug, wanting to be entertained above anything else. What if they canceled the parade and gave all the money they would have spent to the relief efforts, or to the AIDS pandemic in Africa and the Caribbean. I feel so shallow. That stuff makes us uncomfortable, it makes our hearts hurt. So we entertain it away with "reality" TV, and parades and concerts and everything. When we feel a little fake and superficial we go and watch a sad movie to make us cry so we feel human again. What a sick person I am, that my entertainment is worth more than a human life.
This is my reflection for the new year.