Tick tick Tick
Some may think this is about my walk in the woods last week, and the "hitchhikers" I had on me when I returned. However its not.
tick tick tick is the sound of the clock. I used to have several clocks in my room, the non plug in kind that ticked. Everyone else found the ticking annoying. But I liked it. However, the tick reminds us of passing time.
A friend of mine just had a birthday. I am not good with remembering birthdays and the only reason I could remember his was because it was 2 months before mine. So as he turned older(which we do everyday--its not like you age a year in one day) it just reminded me that very soon my birthday will come around. I am not sure whether to be excited or apprehensive. Not that this year is a big milestone, but it seems like it is for me, and I am not sure why.
Maybe because it seems other people my age are getting on with their lives, they are getting married or having kids or going back to school for more education, and me well I am still at home working my job, and I guess that's getting on with my life as well. And I am not trying to complain that I don't have all that stuff going on in my life, I just always thought by this point in my life I would be somewhere different.
Maybe the lack of a serious relationship, the lack of a degree, the lack of permanent residence are all contributing to this feeling. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up and that's scary since technically speaking I should be grown up. I don't have anyone that wants to be in a relationship that is more than just friends, and honestly I am getting tired of just being friends and only that. It makes me feel unwanted. I feel incredibly empty and broken and with nothing to offer to anyone.
I know that maybe I am being self-centered. I always get depressed when I think of myself. Reflection isn't always a bad thing. Maybe it is time to reassess my priorities and redefine my expectations. I don't think I am in a bad spot in my life, just different than I had always thought. I realize there is so much more going on around me, that these things seem kinda piddly in comparison. But this is where I am, and how I feel in case anyone wanted to know.
tick tick tick is the sound of the clock. I used to have several clocks in my room, the non plug in kind that ticked. Everyone else found the ticking annoying. But I liked it. However, the tick reminds us of passing time.
A friend of mine just had a birthday. I am not good with remembering birthdays and the only reason I could remember his was because it was 2 months before mine. So as he turned older(which we do everyday--its not like you age a year in one day) it just reminded me that very soon my birthday will come around. I am not sure whether to be excited or apprehensive. Not that this year is a big milestone, but it seems like it is for me, and I am not sure why.
Maybe because it seems other people my age are getting on with their lives, they are getting married or having kids or going back to school for more education, and me well I am still at home working my job, and I guess that's getting on with my life as well. And I am not trying to complain that I don't have all that stuff going on in my life, I just always thought by this point in my life I would be somewhere different.
Maybe the lack of a serious relationship, the lack of a degree, the lack of permanent residence are all contributing to this feeling. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up and that's scary since technically speaking I should be grown up. I don't have anyone that wants to be in a relationship that is more than just friends, and honestly I am getting tired of just being friends and only that. It makes me feel unwanted. I feel incredibly empty and broken and with nothing to offer to anyone.
I know that maybe I am being self-centered. I always get depressed when I think of myself. Reflection isn't always a bad thing. Maybe it is time to reassess my priorities and redefine my expectations. I don't think I am in a bad spot in my life, just different than I had always thought. I realize there is so much more going on around me, that these things seem kinda piddly in comparison. But this is where I am, and how I feel in case anyone wanted to know.
posted by becka at 10:42 AM
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