I think today was the breaking point

Today was hard. All this writing recently has help to sort the stuff out in my brain. Plus the unbelievable stress of dealing with insurance companies and trying single handedly to work full time, drive to another city to sign a piece of paper to get money for a car that's been totaled so I can return the rental car and buy a new car by Friday--that made me cry. The insurance agent handed me the check and all I could do was cry. I am not sure if it was relief or agony. If felt good and stupid at the same time. I was listening to Geof Kimbers book "A Worship Driven Church" I only have the intro and the first 2 chapters so I have been listening to it over and over to get all that I can out of it before I trade it in for disc 2. At some point in listening it hit me, and it all became clear. What became clear--I'm not sure. All the stress of late and the thoughts that seemed to play like gibberish on a skipping record, suddenly came into clarity. Psalms 118 says it best and was critical in the epiphany I had. In verse 8 it says "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." I had to reread it a couple of times, and the context of the passage is amazing.(hint hint READ IT) But I was thinking about the conclusion I had come to in the last post, it's a trust issue. This verse is what it all boils down to, and this whole struggle lately, I was putting my trust in temporal, earthly things and my heart was broken-and rightfully so. It says right there in verse 8 "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man." All morning I was so stressed and freaking out about all these million hoops I had to jump through, and I knew God would provide, but it wasn't making the heart connection, until this afternoon, then it was like dropping a bowling ball on my foot, like I can't believe I just did this, ouch and shame all rolled into one. SO the tears were a mix of relief and frustration, anger, loss, and grief over how stupid and stubborn I am. So in the end it feels a lot better to be broken.