the absent minded becka

Lately I seem to be forgetting everything. I think I might actually forget my brain if it wasn’t securely surrounded by my skull. This weekend I thought I lost my cell phone—turns out I just left it at home. Saturday night I forgot to set my clock forward. So as I hopped out of the shower yesterday I got a phone call from a friend because I wasn’t at church yet. I lost my bible study questions and I forgot to charge my camera battery. I also forgot my bible study book. Last night I turned on my a/c and forgot to shut the window. Today I managed to leave my lunch on the table at home, so I decided to go pop in the pizza shop and get some lunch. When I got there I realized I had forgotten my wallet at work. To my benefit, I have a friend that works there and he made sure I got some food.
After I finish eating, I have to run by the bank on the corner to pay him back, I just don’t feel right getting something for nothing. That’s probably the greatest struggle with my salvation—essentially it’s something for nothing. Even when I think of my intellect—something I have always taken pride in. I suppose I got that for free too—and it’s something for so long I have taken for granted as if it was ever mine to control to begin with. I guess its all pride, even the idea of needing salvation to begin with, we must come to the reality that we are hopeless without Christ. We all want to think we have it all figured out and we don’t need “charity.” I am leery of the abuse of grace as well. If I was to go back expecting free lunch everyday—it would be a different story, I am not in need of a constant free lunch because I work hard and I have money to pay for it. But with out salvation all of our works are as filthy rags. We can never pay our own way. Grace is such an antithetical concept to the human mind; we are so trained to think in actions and consequences. You work hard you get money you pay for what you need. But grace is not for the lazy who won’t work; it’s for those that have come to realize that all their work is pointless without the shed blood of Christ covering their sins. The people that are the worst are the ones that need grace the most. If grace could be about deserving the favor then the less you deserve grace the more it makes sense that you need it. If grace is unmerited favor wouldn’t it make sense that the worse you are the less you deserve anything-- which is what makes grace so complete? So if I actually let go of my pride—which is the very thing that makes me a candidate for grace maybe there is room for Grace to work in me. But I keep tripping over this attitude that I am ok, or I am not as bad as______, or to the point of bringing down others in an attempt to make it look like I am good comparatively, even if I am better, it may not be a matter of being better—it may just be that I am less worse.
So as I sit here enjoying my free lunch I am reminded again of God’s grace—not only in the salvation I don’t deserve but in every aspect of my life. Even when we think we have what it takes, we realize grace is not even about what we deserve, it’s about God. And that’s all that really matters.